“I am here only to be truly helpful.”
- ACIM
Times are rough. Even if you are living with someone you love and are both healthy in the midst of a pandemic, the whole, “It’s kind of nice to be home together,” - thing, might be growing old. If you live alone you could have trained to be ok for the short term, but in the long term even the best hermit is going to crave hanging out at Starbucks, going to work, hugging, reaching out, screaming for the Dodgers, or cramming into the new Star Wars attraction. Isolation could get so bad that fighting for a parking spot or battling the 405 might at least feel like a return to normalcy: “What are you doing? Get out my way you idiot!......... that’s strange, I feel so much better.”
The human being is a tribal creature. It’s likely you’re nervous system and brain are getting a little stressed out having never dealt with a global pandemic. While all the standard mental health recommendations are valid: staying in touch with others, getting involved in an art project, cleaning out the closet - one thing we normally reserve as a good thing to do (if there’s time) is becoming more of a need and less of an option - being of service to others. Now this is a tricky thing to pull off given social distancing.
By the way, if you are working in a hospital or grocery store or bank or gas station - or any other essential service, you can stop reading now and just accept our never ending gratitude - and apologies for the way your supplies have been short changed on the battle lines.
When we are stressed, isolated and are being told of a literal threat to our survival, the tendency is to close in, draw up the bridge, shut the gates, and hoard goods. That’s understandable, and we all need a certain amount of self-preservation in such dire straits, Additionally we are faced with the irony that right now withdrawing is an act of service to our neighbor. Still, if we entirely cut off from the suffering around us we could start collapsing in, become anxiety ridden, fall into depression, or even grow paranoid. The psyche can become highly neurotic in ongoing isolation (in the prison system we punish prisoners by putting them in solitary confinement - hardly rehabilitative btw).
In studying the brain researches have found three primary ways the brain is benefitted from being of service to others:
- Greater caregiving related activity in the septal area.
- Reduced stress-related activity in dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, right anterior insula, and right amygdala.
- Greater reward-related activity in left and right ventral striatum.
In twelve-step programs an addict is trained to “get outside of yourself,” by helping another addict. We can also double down on the psychological benefits of giving by combining expressing gratitude when we give. In positive psychology research, gratitude is consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. For instance, hospitals have had many face masks donated by citizens who had them at home along with notes of gratitude for the health care workers.
Being of service to others can sometimes feel like a chore in times of crisis. “I’m already so tired,” “I have so much to do,” “I can’t take care of everyone,” may ring through your mind. Still we are not talking about rescuing a sinking ship or joining Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity. A friend of mine has started cooking and delivering food to his older, homebound friends. He reports feeling relieved of anxiety, motivated, and more focused than usual. We might be talking about making outreach phone calls to people just to see how they are, making a donation, being present for someone grieving, or taking in a sick friend’s dog until they are better. If you look around to see how you can help there’s a lot to do in these times. Those things will not just be helpful to the one you serve, they might just change your brain and help you find peace in the storm of a pandemic.
Click below for a take on how helping others helps yourself: